I got me a intyleckchall cat, y'all.

I knowed 'at wuz the problem two days after I brung the thang  home because it got a real condysendin' look in it's slanty yeller eyeballs. Lak as if to say; "Y'all is beneath me an' I ain't got no time fer yer hillbilly prattle". My intyleckchall ex-husband gimme 'at same uppity look right reglar so 'at's how I knowed my true standin' with 'at blame cat. The' won't giv ye money back from 'em animal shelters places, neither, even if ye got irreconcilable differnses. So... thar I wuz, stuck in one of 'em disfunkshunall relationships an' puttin' up with hissin' an' a fussin' ever dang day. Same as my last marriage 'n' plumb tarsome.
I know...I ort to jist buck up an' make the best of thangs. I could do that 'cept the thang is under my feet all the time makin' demands an' messes fer me to clean up lak I's a 'cat maid' er sumpn' which I never signed on fer atall an' ain't inklynated to be. At first I tried gittin' in it's good graces by talkin' intylechall to it with big  words an' actin' lak it made me no nevermind whut it done ner didn' do, such as lettin' me pet it, but it knows it's a painin' me an' uses its agin me. At blame cat manipillates me zackly lak my brainy ex-husband done. Same ol' thang......it's nice t'll it gits whut it's after, whuther it's cat food er treats er a belly rubbin' an' then yer writ off as borin'. I don't know why in the world I'm a tawkin' to y'all about it.  Aw, jist mash on 'at delete button.          Love, Francis

Doctor my whut?

Southern women of a certain age is therly indoctrinated on the subjeck of modesty so this here blog is one of 'em abberashuns of my usual standards of protycall. Sharin' ye miseries is justified I recon iffn it might hep somebidey else with ther laf's trals so on 'at basis I mean to lay my Thyroid ailmunts plumb wide open lak guttin' a hog, y'all, so brace yersefs. Yessir, it plumb giv' out on me an' subseequent tho'd me into a mess 'at requared me to go a squallin' to 'at Low Income Clinic fer a patchin'. First off the' said I wuz 'Indigent' but I tol' 'em I never heart of 'at ailmunt an' didn' thank 'at wuz it so the' sent me on back to git examined. Now at 76 everbidey looks young but 'at feller warn't fer past his weanin' days, y'all! To git on with it,though; The doctor declared it to be a malfunkshun of my Thyroid gland an' writ me a perscripshun fer sumpn' called whoremones. When I balked at the idee on account of bein' a Christian an' a havin' plenty of trouble with moral'ty as it wuz, he just kinely sniggered an' giv' me some free samples of sumpn' er t'other an' takened off outta thar lak his tail wuz afar. Mercy. But it hep'd! In about two weeks them symtoms wuz plumb on gone. I hadn' prevyiss been able to feel my butt ner legs fer the cold sensashuns I had an' wuz peer dee sick of warin' 'at heatin' pad in my drawers with 'at extenchun cord a trippin' me up all day long. An' my har quit fallin' out which heped the cat too who had been a swallerin' it an' gaggin' harballs everwher. Plus I quit bein' so blame tard; a sicheashun 'at had made me leave off on pert near everthang 'at warn't laf er death to git done plus inklynated me to takin' naps ever 3 hours. So...the bottom line is ....Go to the clinic an' git hep if yer bidey commences to turn agin' ye some way unushull. "Good Docterin' " y'all! An' love to all, Francis

Ther'pee kin git dangeriss

After ketchin' up on the latest news headlines yester'dy, It come to me 'at I had two choices to git over the resultin' traumer; I could either uncork a fresh bottle of "tonic" er I could go out an' clean the fishpond. I takened door #2. It wuz greener'n a gourd an' a floatin' thangs dead an' alive both but since it is a gittin' sprangtime it has got to git dunged out er it'll commence to stankin', y'all. So I done it. Now this here blog ain't fer the purpiss of garnerin' no sympathy ner nuthin' of the kind. Nossir. I figger y'all read the news too an' might ort to put it all in the context of the laf er death hazards a lurkin' in yer own back yard. At'll tho some of 'attar' perspectiff on thangs fer dang tootin'. It happens so fast! Thar ye are flailin' around with a pond strainer one second an' the next yer a wallerin' on yer belly in green slime an' haf rotted worms an' stuff lak 'at. Now at 76 ye don't bounce back from falls ner axedental pond wallers' lak ye used to. Mercy! It takened a solid 30 minutes to git up outta thar, y'all, partly on account of them rocks wuz slicker'n mucous on a membrane plus I contracted a case of hypeo therma in 'attar" cold water.(Have y'all seen 'at movie "The Creature From The Black Lagoon?" I coulda' been the star.)Now,'at wuz a plenty to survive but then the neighber's dog went plumb peer dee wald an' attackted me nerly eatin' me alive 'fore I could crawl back in my trailer house.Then 'em 911 fellers hung up on me to boot; Sayin' "Crank callers will be prosecuted." Whut in the world? Anyhow, after all 'at the evenin' news ort to not faze me one ioter an' maybe 'is story'll hep y'all in some way t'other too.Ye cain't never tell. Love to all of y'all, Francis Annabelle Turl

Pluggin' holes

'Attar' hep menu tol' me to put a blog over the empty spot wher anuther'n wer supposed to already be at so's to fill it up......???? Recon I done it? God hep us all.....wher's 'at bottle of tonic?